{"id":69007,"date":"2020-08-07T07:51:16","date_gmt":"2020-08-07T05:51:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/runlovers.it\/2020\/me-charlene-and-snow-whites-mirror\/"},"modified":"2022-11-15T15:02:43","modified_gmt":"2022-11-15T14:02:43","slug":"me-charlene-and-snow-whites-mirror","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runlovers.it\/en\/2020\/me-charlene-and-snow-whites-mirror\/","title":{"rendered":"Me, Charlene and Snow White’s mirror"},"content":{"rendered":"

This two thousand and twenty, podistically speaking, has certainly not been full of things to remember, at least as far as I am concerned. The world situation and the climate of uncertainty about every aspect of our lives, including running, have not been the best possible to think about putting in the effort to achieve some sporting results. However, since I have never stopped running anyway and would like to start running very long distances again sooner or later (the last time I ran more than fifteen kilometers in a row was mid-April, on the treadmill at home) I felt it was necessary to have the usual combined checkup for blood values and general health status with a sports physical. Today, however, although this column is called “Diary of a Marathoner” and I am using it to tell you mostly about the Marathons that Charlene and I have run and the related steps leading up to race day, I am straying a bit from the main focus, but not even that much since running and nutrition, and in particular Running and eating disorders<\/em>, many times are connected. Sometimes negatively, sometimes positively, as – fortunately – in this case. As I was waiting for them to let me in for my visit, in fact, I noticed on the waiting room table a pastel pink folder jumping out of glossy magazines. One of those used to collect notes on perforated sheets or in clear baggies, so they can be moved and separated once they are tidied up, with worn edges and worn cover. On the front, sideways in the upper right corner, was written in block letters “LETTERS.” Inside, on the first of the pages inserted in the laminated envelopes, was a note from Dr. that said “these are some of the letters I asked people to write to those who came here to ask for advice on how to improve their fitness, if you feel like doing it too, feel free to tell what you think represents you the most and what motivated you to come here.” Intrigued, I turned the page and began to read the first letter present.<\/p>\n

My name is Marco, and first of all let’s clarify one thing. I am not anorexic; I have never been anorexic. Young ladies are anorexic, males are not, ever. I only have a complex relationship with food and my body.
\n<\/em>Let’s say that eating has never been my main interest. Sitting at the table, eating what others have decided is good for you, for your body [mangia la carne che ti fa bene] irritates me for no reason.
\n<\/em>I have always found the ritual of being around a table to eat, perhaps for a very long time, unnecessary and somewhat annoying. The conviviality, the form, never interested me.
\n<\/em>My idea of ideal nourishment was getting a glass of cold milk from the refrigerator and a couple of cookies. Doing it alone, when you want and how you want is still my idea of freedom, no one watching you eat (what, how much), no one telling you “you ate too little.”
\n<\/em>From the time I am able to remember, there was a special controversy between us siblings about food: what I desired was never good enough for the others, if I ate (and eat) short pasta they wanted spaghetti, if I loved dark chocolate they preferred milk chocolate, gnocchi-tortellini and so on. I have grown, I have gray hair, I have added years to years but it is still like that. <\/em>And then the quantities. We boomers<\/strong> are children of war parents, marked by the fear of hunger and hardship that poured on us the worry of not feeding our children enough. <\/em>My feeling was that I was always eating.
\nAt breakfast we ate, at snacks we ate, at lunch, at dinner, on vacation; at the beach it was the apotheosis of eating, everywhere we were besieged by food. <\/em>And I ate very little, the black sheep of the family. I lost count of the number of visits, doctors and specialists consulted because “the child eats little.” I opened a thousand thousand little bottles of Carnitine Record B12 at lunch and dinner. I offered my butt to morning and evening injections of tonic for years docile and resigned, but always inappetent.
\n<\/em>Maternal control loosened in college and a lull with food began. At lunch I often skipped or had a cappuccino, at dinner I often succeeded in a bounce-back game: “I’m eating at the girlfriend’s house, I’ll see you later” – “no thanks I ate in a hurry at home.”
\n<\/em>If I had a craving, I ate; if I didn’t, I skipped. Strict control of size 44: If I became tight, I would eat less. A very simple thing. I collected confidences of friends with more serious problems than mine, even of someone who went too far down the well and could not climb up. After Anna I understood a little bit. I have learned with maturity that it is better to keep quiet than to engage in unnecessary controversy since our idea of ourselves projects our mental image onto everything and we think and say things for others that are not true. Someone told me that it is called “dysmorphism,” but it is already a word that reminds one of a disease, and I have never accepted the idea of being sick. I simply see myself as too “fleshy” and I wanted\/wanted to lose weight, only to be told that it’s not true and that’s why I get angry and make others angry. <\/em><\/p>\n

Managing the real image, superimposing it on the mental image is complex and right now I think it goes through accepting and loving yourself.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

It’s a bit of a mess, in short. A difficult and subtle balance beam. The good fortune in my case is that I managed not to fall, but I took a chance.
\n<\/em> My<\/strong> winning move to call a lasting truce with food was to get back into running. I always ran a lot. As a child I ran not to take them; as a teenager, on the opposite side of Italy from my sea, I ran to score goals on the then most titled team in Italy. Exhausting workouts had rewarded me with a physique to be envied, with quintals of breath to spend in high school and Patronage soccer games, and with jumpsuits and handbags that in the 1980s attracted young girls far more than a selfie on Instagram. Other times.
\n<\/em>After 40, I got back into running. First one step, then the other, half an hour, an hour. The first ten kilometers, twenty, thirty. What will it be like to run a marathon?<\/em><\/p>\n

To do a Marathon, you don’t just have energy in reserve and you have to learn how to fuel yourself.<\/strong><\/em><\/h4>\n

The first time I made 35k I didn’t know. I passed out in the shower. I read, I learned.<\/em><\/p>\n

I discovered food as fuel, not as an enemy.<\/strong><\/em><\/h4>\n

The first time I ran forty-two thousand one hundred and ninety-five meters I was happy, coming in I thought I had proved to everyone that I could handle food and fatigue. Instead, after a while the refrain “you eat too little, you’re too thin” started again.
\n<\/em>So I decided that I would take on a challenge that seemed crazy, to go from Florence to Faenza in less than 12 hours to prove that I could combine food and calorie consumption.
\n<\/em>That’s why I came here. An ultra-marathon race cannot be improvised, if you want to run a hundred kilometers you have to train a lot, the early rises are crazy, but motivation is a very powerful spring. The journey then through the night and the Apennines is phenomenal, pure magic and excitement. So after eleven hours and fifty-five minutes, stopping at all the refreshments to eat, I arrived in Faenza in tears. <\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

My relationship with food, thanks to exercise, has improved a bit; we haven’t made peace, but it’s a quiet respite.
\n<\/em>I continue to run every day and run the Marathon and Ultra. I’m the same size as when I was in high school, and I try to avoid contentious talk about weight and food, even though I happen to be in charge of selling groceries for a living, and it’s not exactly easy. I have learned that this body we have been given cannot hate it or destroy it because it is the place where we have been put to live and I must take care of it.
\n<\/em>I just have to change this damn mirror: the one Snow White gave me is a shameless liar<\/strong>.<\/em><\/p>\n

The assistant waited standing in front of me. Perhaps he had called me and I, caught up in reading, had not answered? I didn’t know, I looked at her smiling and said, “yes?” “Dr. is waiting for you, second door” “Yes yes, of course, thank you.” I got up from the beige armchair and took a few steps toward the hallway. In the few meters that separated me from the office of – ironically enough – Dr. Grassi, I imagined for a second the man who had written those words. Will he have had a happy life? A person with whom to share August nights, whose hands to seek under the sheets every night, no matter what had happened during the day? A family? I imagined him running dancing on his toes through the dark streets in the dawn of an undefined city, his shoes worn on the inside front, preparing for the cold of the night on the Passatore Apennines, in front of the sea in the cool of the first summer sun, or as he crossed the finish line of who knows what Marathon crying from happiness.<\/p>\n

Before I entered, I turned to the waiting room; a lady had picked up the pink folder of letters and was beginning to read. I wonder what kind of face she will give him and whether she too like Charlene and me will immediately love Marco–I<\/em> thought–then I gave two taps with my knuckles, asked permission and lowered the handle.<\/p>\n

We Are RunLovers. <3<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Photo credits: Faenza News, UniPD<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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