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The thoughts of a 31-year-old running

  • 5 minute read

In thesubtitle of what you are about to read there is already an error, or at least a mistaken belief.
And you are being told this by the very person who is writing and who is consciously doing so for a very specific reason: context and personal experience.

Camilla, 31-year-old from Pavia and fresh Runlovers.
Tra le cose che non mi piacciono ci sono le troppe etichette, tipo “giovane-donna-31 anni”; tra le cose che mi piacciono c’è anche la corsa.
Diciamo che siamo in quella fase tra la fine della frequentazione e l’inizio della relazione.
Quando si vuole provare a giocare anche con i reciproci difetti vedendo che cosa succede.
Quando la ricrescita dei peli sulle gambe non ti manda più in sbattimento e indossi fiera (ma appena puoi ti accarezzi il polpaccio, perché lo so) gli shorts.

The funny thing is that, by the way, just because of (or because of) running one relationship I’m coming to terms with and trying to evolve with is with myself.
There is polygamy in this whole triangle between me, myself and running but I laugh a lot.

I started running consciously since January.
L’idea mi balenava in testa già da tempo ma con la tipologia di allenamento che facevo in palestra e il restante tempo a disposizione si riduceva a uscite brevi, senza “controllo”.
Uscivo solo con l’idea di “esco a fare una corsa”.
E andava benissimo così.

I have always been a person devoted to change or, at the very least, curious and explorer.
Aggettivi e approcci che annovero nella mia short-list di pregi ma che in qualche modo si esprimono benissimo anche come difetti, o forse calzano molto bene anche alle mie vulnerabilità.

If you are a sensitive person but with great fear and inexperience in “rooting yourself,” change is a bit like the ocean.
You have to learn to surf and get back in the water despite falls and washing in the breakers.

Thus, paradigms are revised.
I change the subscription of the app I’ve always used to “go out for a run” to a plus one and the game begins.

From the very beginning my head never failed me, or at least not right away.
I started from a situation where I was physically trained in motor activity, so the first technical difficulties were felt in my breath, then as the meters and kilometers increased, inevitably in my legs.

Every sport, motor activity or discipline has its own breathing.
Thus running.
I learned this lesson by practicing
yoga and has been a key in many ways. Among all of them, slowing down – and even stopping – to go farther. And, if you will, faster. “There is no rhythm without pose“. This is a phrase that was stuck in my head at least four years ago, if not more. “There is no rhythm without pose“.

It is actually a concept that I have made my own over the many years of dance.
A choreography, in fact, is a fluid set of static and dynamic poses.
A speech is an alternation of words and pauses, punctuation.
So is a film, a photograph.

Running, one step at a time, learning a gait and experimenting with pace after pace.
Of course, this is much easier to tell than to put into practice, especially on oneself.

Running is often approached alone.
I dare say almost always, especially from age 30 (maybe even 20/25) on up.
And there is nothing wrong with that, but it is a fact.
I’m pretty sure that thousands (if not billions) more people around the world start running in exactly the same way I did.

In many ways I consider myself a lone wolf.
I like to discover the various nuances of doing things alone and solitude.
Which does not mean wanting to stay away from people.
It means figuring out how to consciously live with yourself.
And running is a good challenge from this point of view.

Here

I am now past the 10km mark, and have started the program for 21. But in these months I had no one to correct my posture, count the missed mile or say “stop for today, nothing happens.”
Besides training the body, running for me is an exercise in willpower, self-perception, liberation.
But also of forgiveness and gratitude.

Last but not least, also of fear.
As the good popular sport that running is, it leads you to experience all those feelings that you find in everyday life, in your relationship with yourself and with other people.
Like, for example, wondering if you are in the right place.

Here

About a month ago I registered for the 15km in Rome next November, and in October there will be the CorriPavia 10km, to which I have not yet taken a bib, however.

I started running again a few days ago after about 3 weeks of stop.
A very inflamed neck and several somewhat difficult thoughts to digest.
Including some sort of writer’s block in running.

It is as if I got stuck between 10 and 12Km.
Going fast I have to say is not high on my list of priorities, but being stuck on the course put a strain on my head.
With no small amount of frustration.

I leave it completely up to anyone who reads these thoughts of mine to have their say and/or give me advice.
And, although unjournalistic to write this, I would like to know and read if there are any similar experiences or “technical” suggestions.

At the moment, what I did was to start over. “Destruction is the way to transformation“. “Eat, Pray, Love” is not among the genres of films I go crazy for but, it is one of my favorite films ever.
And that phrase has become almost like a mantra for me.

In the film it is part of a letter/email written by Liz (Julia Roberts) to David (James Franco).
Melancholy words?
No, maybe a little context but those sentences are as disorienting as the feeling of accidentally cutting yourself with the sheet of paper, or banging your pinky against the edge of the nightstand.

I don’t know if “formally” starting a training schedule again is right or wrong.
But staying anchored to something, which in this case is my “mileage block,” brooding and maybe giving up going out running for fear of failure is not among the things I want running to leave me with.

I’m not going to be a marathon runner, but maybe what really matters to me is learning to be human.
And to love myself like that.
But there’s still a long way to go so I’m not making scout promises that I won’t get angry again.

Curious about the reflections that will arise, if they arise, I quote part of the full version of Liz’s letter/email to David:“[…] We all want things to stay the same, David, we agree to live in unhappiness because we are afraid of change, of things falling apart, but I looked at this place, the chaos it has endured, the way it has been used, burned, ransacked, then returning to itself, and I felt reassured.Maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s the world that is, and the only real trap is to stick to everything. Ruins are a gift.
Destruction is the way to transformation.

Even in this eternal city, the Augusteum showed me that we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation […]”.

Pause, rhythm, words: here are three records I suggest after re-reading this piece.

  1. “Be” – Common
  2. “The Sufferer & The Witness” – Rise Against
  3. “Coming Home” – Leon Bridges

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