- Runners always lie about times and distances, they’re late, promise short runs and somehow turn every outing into a “marathon.”
- They minimize the pain, the need for rest and promise to stop, but after a few days they start again as if nothing happened.
- They actually find “suffering” amusing, say a training session will be “easy” or “relaxing,” but then you always end up gasping breaths and burning lungs.
Dear all, let’s be honest: we are a bunch of liars. We runners lie. There is no malice. It’s just that we constantly live somewhere between a state of endorphin euphoria and a chronic fatigue that causes us to say (and believe) things that, at times, are completely absurd. So here are some of the most common lies that most runners tell, to themselves and others.
1. “I’m five minutes away.”
It doesn’t. When a runner tells you he is five minutes away, know that he is probably still at least a couple of miles from the meeting point. He will arrive, not only late, but also with bated breath and a guilty smile, because he knows exactly what he did.
2. “I will be gone for just a couple of hours.”
“I’m going out for a long run, back for lunch.” Then between activation exercises, the warm-up phase, the miles of actual training, the various motivational selfies, impromptu detours and any stops to admire the view, that “couple of hours” will have magically multiplied and the return home will be when everyone has already finished lunch, with coffee and dessert too.
3. “Let’s go for an easy run.”
When a runner suggests an easy run make sure what exactly he or she means by “easy”. If not, run away. What was supposed to be a relaxing jog will almost certainly turn into a full-blown sprint. If you hear phrases such as “let’s keep a chatty pace,” be prepared to sustain a one-sided conversation in which you just listen to conserve your breath to keep running.
4. “I’m only doing a few kilometers today.”
And then? Well, it happens that you feel fit and decide to do another, and then another. Then you meet a friend on the street and do a few kilometers together. Only when you’re back home do you realize you ran a half marathon “by accident.”
5. “It doesn’t hurt that much.”
We also and especially lie to ourselves. A runner may be in excruciating pain, but he will always tend to downplay it, saying that “it’s just a little discomfort.” Know that inside he is screaming with the full force of his vocal cords.
6. “After this race I will rest.”
Surely (no). After a few days he will already be back at the computer signing up for the next race, telling himself that it will be just for fun…
7. “You won’t hear me in the morning.”
If you live with a runner, you will already know the extent of this lie. No matter how stealthy he or she try to be, the morning run routine always sounds like zippers, shoes dropping, water bottles rolling, and the occasional curse word flying through the air.
8. “Never again!”
After a brutal race, the runner will express a desire never to repeat that “hellish” experience. Then, 24 hours later, he will be Googling the next race, with the same selective memory as someone who forgets the pain of the dentist.
9. “It’s fun.”
After all, what could be more fun than dripping with sweat and feeling your lungs leave your chest? That’s the universal concept of fun, isn’t it? But if you ask a runner, he or she will tell you with a half-dumb smile that yes, it is great!